“Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.”
- “The Valley of Vision,” a prayer from the Puritan prayer book of the same name
“Set A Fire” - Will Reagan and United Pursuit
O Lord,
Bend my hands and cut them off,
for I have often struck thee with a wayward will,
when these fingers should embrace thee by faith.
I am not yet weaned from all created glory,
honour, wisdom, and esteem of others,
for I have a secret motive to eye my name in all I do.
Let me not only speak the word sin,
but see the thing itself.
Give me to view a discovered sinfulness,
to know that though my sins are crucified
they are never wholly mortified.
Hatred, malice, ill-will,
vain-glory that hungers for and hunts after
man’s approval and applause,
all are crucified, forgiven,
but they rise again in my sinful heart.
O my crucified but never wholly mortified sinfulness!
O my life-long damage and daily shame!
O my indwelling and besetting sins!
O the tormenting slavery of a sinful heart!
Destroy, O God, the dark guest within
whose hidden presence makes my life a hell.
Yet thou hast not left me here without grace;
The cross still stands and meets my needs
in the deepest straits of the soul.
I thank thee that my remembrance of it
is like David’s sight of Goliath’s sword
which preached forth thy deliverance.
The memory of my great sins,
my many temptations, my falls,
bring afresh into my mind the remembrance
of thy great help, of thy support from heaven,
of the great grace that saved such a wretch as I am.
There is no treasure so wonderful
as that continuous experience of thy grace
toward me which alone can subdue the risings of sin within:
Give me more of it.
Fellowship is needed amongst all people. No matter who they are, no matter how much they might like to be alone or by themselves. Fellowship is the venue through which we could love one another, a way through which we can share joy with one another and help one another through struggles and hardships. Fellowship is what makes us human beings, able to have a relationship with one another as well as with the God who made us. Whether it be just two people being in a room together doing their thing or whether they are talking about deeper things and sharing struggles and encouragements, just to be in the presence of somebody else, to be acknowledged, to be accepted, and to be loved is something that everyone needs. To be loved and to love is what makes a person human and to do that there needs to be community and there needs to be fellowship.
Today, I was thinking about the title I gave to this Tumblr—The Quest For Contrition.
Yes. I am on a quest. I have been chosen. I have been given the parchment and adequate supplies. The door has been opened to me. The way is before me. The monsters I must battle await my arrival. The bosses mean business. The special weapons must be implemented for maximum efficiency. The treasures to discover and collect are mine for the taking.
But it is a weird quest. Because contrition is a broken heart. A soul stripped bare. A worthless sinner on his knees, cowering, crouching, crawling, writhing on the concrete floor. Shoulders hunched, body trembling, as he cries his eyes out and sobs uncontrollably and weeps hysterically because he knows he is nothing. He was never something.
Contrition is humility. Contrition is surrender. Contrition is shame. But a good shame. Because it shows us the truth. It reveals who we are and what we’ve done. Contrition breaks walls and burns facades and makes us look in the mirror. Contrition is important.
But contrition is worthless without repentance. And my quest is meaningless without Christ. In fact, Christ gives contrition meaning. The quest is the means to the end that is Christ. Jesus is the finish line.
Contrition brings me before the Creator of the universe and prepares me to understand grace. Contrition leads me to the cross.
I want to go back, but I don’t.
Two pulls on my heart. One shall win tonight. One shall win my life.
I’m tired of trying to please people. There is a time and place for that, but, maybe, not now…
I wish we could read each other’s thoughts because, man, that would make conversations a whole lot easier.
God gives us trials so we can grow. But, sometimes, I still wish they would go away. Isn’t there an easier way, Lord?
I tried, Lord. Now, I’m tired. I’m tired of trying. Nobody knows what’s going on, and nobody cares. And, I guess that’s how it needs to be.
I’m glad we cannot read each other’s thoughts because, well, that would be really awkward. And embarrassing. And frustrating. And freeing.
I cannot go back so I won’t.
Lord, You paid for my life with Your life. You saved me from death by Your death. Please, finish what You started in me. Please. Please, God.
Please win. Jesus, please draw me closer. Keep me in Your embrace. Don’t let go. Don’t let me go back. Win in me tonight. Win me for eternity.
There’s these hills on the side of the road. I climb one and peer ahead and see three mountains. The first one is on fire. The whole mountain is ablaze. The smoke coats the skies and stings my eyes. I steel my gaze further and the second mountain comes into focus. At first glance, it is bare—no vegetation, no life. Then, I see a lone speck upon a protruding cliff—a person standing still and tall, a silhouette of humanity upon that stony shard. The third mountain remains blurry. But above its peak, the sun seems to shine brightest.
The journey ahead is no picnic. The fire destroys. The fire refines. It consumes and purifies. Lord, let me not be vaporized through the test You have given me.
I will be alone, but not lonely because You are with me, God. You shield my path and guide my steps.
I cannot see the future, but you do. But how bright it must be! How beautiful it must be to finish the race and receive Your embrace, O Lord. Help me get there, Lord. Please. I want to finish. I want to finish well.
How faithless I am. How hopeless I am. How lost I am. How stupid I am.
How faithful He is! How gracious He is! How merciful He is! How loving He is!
How horrid I was to trample the grace He lavished on me!
How changed I shall be as He transforms me to be like Him.
How foolish I am to dwell on me.
How kind He is to set me free from the fool I’ve been.
How thankless I’ve been to forget the grace He’s shown to me.
How generous He’s been to give me eyes to see the new life He’s growing within.
How humbling it is to stand at the foot of the cross.
How humbled He was to hang between heaven and earth.
How awesome it is to worship a risen Son!
How glorious He is, alive and reigning forever!
He must become greater. I must become less.
